My sister is 29 years old. She is quite beautiful. Clever. Has a good job. Car. The apartment. Leads an active lifestyle. Often travels. But at the same time she is lonely. Over the past five years, she has never had a serious relationship. And the fear of loneliness "after 30" literally poisons her life.
Reflecting on her situation, I noticed that around many women are in a similar position. Two of them are close friends of my wife. And after a quick survey of my acquaintances, I found out that only in the circle of my intercourse there are nine women in the age of 20 to 40 years who do not have a permanent relationship. And they all experience their loneliness in different ways and dream of finding love, but so far, alas, it does not work out for them.
After analyzing their stories, I noted some similar points in their behavior, allowing me to more or less accurately judge the reasons for their loneliness. Eliminating these reasons, they could gain family happiness and in order to help them in this - I decided to write this article.
The demographic situation in our country today is not in favor of women. According to the census, there are ten million more women in our country than men.
If we subtract from the total number of men all alcoholics, the mentally ill, disabled, prisoners and gays, then the ranks of potential suitors will thin down even more. And if we subtract from the remaining number of all the "women", then the rest will turn out such that it would immediately explain the reasons for so many single women.
Should I despair in this situation?
And no. Because above we looked at only a part of the statistics. But let's think about what a huge number of women solely for their imprudent, flighty, and sometimes just stupid behavior repel worthy men from themselves, as soon as the soul becomes much easier. Although statistics do not indicate a significant number of such women, however, it shows with cold accuracy - 60% of all marriages in Russia end in divorce. For comparison, in Japan, only 27% of married couples are divorced. And in India, 1%.
What does this mean? The fact that not only women, but a great many men around every day become lonely. If we add to this those men who have not yet found their ideal of which you are the embodiment, then the picture becomes much more positive. And this gives not only hope, but a direct assurance that your half even after hitting a whirlpool of erroneous relations for some time, will still find you to find happiness with you. Your job is to make this desired man not pass by you. And this will be discussed below.
So back to our nine single women (including my sister). In their situations, there is something in common that should be given special attention. All of them argued that “despite all the efforts” they could not find a suitable pair for themselves. While observations from the side showed that each of these women receive offers of dating from time to time, which they almost always reject outright.
It looks like a phenomenon. Single women passionately wanting relationships - reject all opportunities to establish these relationships. However, there is an explanation. Rather, even two explanations.
First, the stories of almost every one of these women revealed ... old love. A man from the past or present to whom all thoughts are chained and around which all the dreams of our single women are concentrated. My sister, for example, is her co-worker. Who has and always had a girlfriend. Which has never been in any relationship with my sister. What does not prevent my sister year after year to hope and believe in the possibility of such a relationship.
Against this background, all the other men’s colleagues seem to my sister to be so worthless or, at least, down to earth, that she looks through them without noticing them. And, as we see, this easily explains the fact that despite regular attempts to get to know her, my sister continues to be and feel lonely. She immediately rejects all men because "they are not Andrei."
Other girls also had their “Andrei”. Someone - their former love. The man who gave them "a few days" of fiery love, and then married to another or went to another city. In some cases - the husband of a friend or even a neighbor.
And this leads us to the first important conclusion: former or unrequited love can become a serious obstacle on the way to family happiness. And although you cannot command your heart, you have to face the truth and admit that all these dreams, thoughts and sufferings are unanswered. They are the way to nowhere. They are like an impenetrable barrier to shield you from all possible real relationships. By the way, in some cases, the love of a certain fictitious ideal appears as the same barrier. But be that as it may, all such unresponsive relations living in your thoughts need to be abandoned once and for all in order to fully experience the real emptiness in which you are and which can make you act seriously.
Make it difficult. Because the question immediately arises: What do I get in return for refusing to “my own Andrey”? Those pathetic losers who always strive to meet me in the subway? Among them I choose? They are affected by fumes, they are untidy and sometimes simply arrogant. And sometimes the opposite - mumbles, who can not connect two words. So what is my benefit?
And here we come to a very important point. Perhaps the most important in the whole article. There are men beautiful, but there are not beautiful. There are polite and gallant gentlemen, and there are rude bastards. There are secured, and there are rogue. There are strong and stately, and there are asphyxia. In other words - James Bond or Woody Allen (or rather his subtle hero-losers). And you certainly want James Bond. Especially considering that only James Bond will be able to compare with “your Andrey”. But the question arises: dreaming of a “Bond” - do you meet the criteria of a “Bond girl”? Having received such a question, any girl without a second thought will answer - “Of course, yes!” But let's deal with it.
Leaving behind the physical characteristics that are absolutely not important here, let us pay attention to the most important secret of the “Bond girl”. Do you know what it is? It is (attention!) In the perfect combination of seductiveness and inaccessibility!
Yes Yes! It is seductiveness. Since the time of the caveman, females have ALWAYS THANKS males pushing them into mating fights with other males or forcing mating dances to dance without rocking. Preserving its inaccessibility until the full end of the marriage dance.
So all nice, pretty, but single women have something in common. They forgot the word "temptation." Forgot its essence and meaning. The word "temptation" is not in their dictionary. Not in their way of thinking and in their behavior. And therefore - they are NOT seductive. And for this main reason - in their arsenal, Woody Allen’s heroes who want to meet each other, who only spoil the mood on the way from work. By the way, in consolation it can be mentioned that in the famous “Wikipedia”, which knows about everything, the meaning of the word “temptation” is also absent. But not Wikipedia needs a happy family life. Therefore, she may not know anything about the temptation. And you just need to.
So, let's try to figure out what a seductive woman is from the point of view of a man. Fortunately, men are very primitive in this regard, because in their understanding of seductive is any woman who looks sexy and almost easily accessible. Here I will emphasize the word “almost” as the most important, because it is really very important to intuitively determine the line that will make you seductive, but not yet easily accessible.
To the question: What kind of clothes make a woman seductive - the answer is also very simple. Clothes that reveal and emphasize the most important parts of the female body, and not hide them. Simply put - open clothes. To be correctly understood and at the same time prove that not only a short cocktail dress can be sexual, I will give you two options for casual wear. On the left, the girl is dressed very stylishly and beautifully. Right - sexy.
Choosing clothes for your wardrobe you have so far made a choice in favor of stylish and beautiful clothes. But now it's time to update it a bit with short skirts, blouses with neckline, dresses with cutouts and open backs and other seductive things.
Needless to say that a new hairstyle, a new manicure, make-up and a handbag are relied on for a new wardrobe? I think everything is clear here. Of course all this is necessary. Is it necessary? Yes. Absolutely necessary. This is the first step to the perfect balance between seduction and inaccessibility.
So the look is radically updated. You look in the mirror and do not recognize yourself. Perhaps a little shy - but quickly get used to see yourself "almost naked." And soon you will even be able to go out and see your colleagues and friends, who will certainly appreciate your look, which will bring you many pleasant moments. And if you ask: how often do I need to look so seductive here? The answer is always. You, like any woman, always need to look seductive. First to attract a man. And then - to keep him forever. Fortunately for you, most women do not fully understand this. And you - understand. What provides you an absolute advantage over all.
Now that your appearance is temptingly irresistible - it is important not to make gross behavioral errors common to many women. The first mistake is when a woman with seductive clothes seems to put on a mask of indifferent contempt for others. It always repels men. What attracts? A slight blush of embarrassment. He makes a woman absolutely irresistible and desirable in the eyes of every man. A half-smile and a little embarrassed look, as if saying: “Well, I'm not guilty that I look so seductively” acts on men like a magnet. And at the same time gives them the confidence they need to step up and try to impress you. And then makes him forget about all the affairs so as to be just a little bit next to you. And even leaving - mentally remain near you.
Your sexy appearance, alluring smile, bashful blush - and there is a temptation. This is your body language, with which you attract men to yourself. And if a man appeared beside you, then the first part of the balance is observed. Now begins a difficult game in the process, which you need to continue to kindle a man in the desire while remaining inaccessible to him. But gradually promising this accessibility at that moment when it seems to you that he may lose patience. In confirmation of this “promise”, you can from time to time give a man kisses, let him hug and kiss you. It must be done. Please remember that men are rapidly losing interest in “completely impregnable fortresses”.
So your goal is to give your man all the promise only when you fully feel that he is “yours forever.” In order to get to know you better, then fall in love, and then feel true love and affection - a man needs time. Yes, and you yourself need this time, of course. But the bottom line is that all this time you have to keep a man in suspense, fueling his interest in yourself, including sexual outfits.
There is another important point. There are some common clichés that say a woman in communication with a man should show her mind and shine with wit and almost show talents. In fact, what is really needed is to be able to listen. Sometimes there is nothing more important than to listen with interest to all that a man wants to tell you. About yourself, about your exploits, about your unfolding family life, about the construction of a dynamo machine - about anything. Each of us sometimes needs a listener. And if you can talk enough with your girlfriend and cry to her, then for a man you can sometimes become the only grateful listener of all that has accumulated in his soul. And his gratitude for it will not know the limits. And his affection for you will grow as the burden from his soul subsides. You ask: should I play the role of a psychotherapist? Yes, they should. Must sympathize with him and comfort him. Just like a man should protect you, take care of you, pamper with compliments and gifts. So roles in relationships are distributed.
Even if something does not work out and you decide that it is not “your type”, then you will always (by mutual agreement) be able to remain friends. Every woman always needs male friends. They allow to brighten up the minutes of loneliness, will help and support in difficult situations. Will serve as a vest in which you can cry in everyday disappointment.
Now let's look at some practical issues that you may have during the course of this article.
Perhaps you want to ask: Is it possible to become slam after 30? Yes. And after 40? Yes. And after 50? Of course, yes. You can become seductive, regardless of age and physical data.
The wise question: Where to go in search of men finding a new seductive image?
Previously, anyone who wants to get acquainted with an intelligent clever - sent to the library. However, before you specifically go somewhere, listen to the stories of your married girlfriends about where they found their husbands. And you will quickly see in what unpredictable way destiny drives people, and what unexpected encounters are. If you look great and are ready for new relationships, then these relationships can arise at any time and anywhere. Before you go to work, in the park when you walk the dog. And even in extreme situations: You suddenly let the wheel down, and a passing man decides to help and immediately falls in love with you.
But, if you wait for accidents of fate - not in your character, I would advise you to go where you can at any time start a conversation with any man you like and look quite natural at the same time. Where is this possible? At the exhibition. In the museum. In the theatre. At the concert. Wherever the surrounding reality pushes people to share impressions with each other. Where you can talk to a person sitting or standing next to one - and this (unlike, say, from the metro) will not be perceived with surprise. For example at the exhibition, you can take a camera with you and ask the man you like to take a picture of you against the background of an exhibit. This is a great opportunity to start a conversation and make an impression at the same time. In the theater between acts there are several intervals, which gives an excellent opportunity to share with those who liked their emotions about what they saw. In this case, before the start of the presentation, you can hook someone with a look. In the first intermission to come closer and even talk. And in the second - you will meet like old friends.
A lot of opportunities for making new acquaintances (and therefore relationships) are provided by various courses. Ranging from English courses to school roller skating or snowboarding. Everywhere where there are group classes - group members, as a rule, quickly get to know each other. You can choose courses that would not only be interesting for you for self-development, but also those where there are obviously more men than women.So you immediately find yourself in the spotlight.
It is well known that a great opportunity for dating are trips to resorts. However, experience shows that there is a much higher chance of spinning an affair with a person living on the other side of our vast country, and then tormenting love at a distance until it completely fades away.
Bars, nightclubs, restaurants - absolutely not a good place to meet because a seductively dressed woman in them can always be mistaken for a girl of easy virtue. And men who attend such places are not needed for nothing.
As for dating sites ... everything is ambiguous. Opinions about them vary greatly. On the one hand, such sites seem to be a refuge for the desperate and perverts. On the other - I personally know four happy married couples who found each other using the Internet. And therefore, observing reasonable forethought - it is quite possible to meet someone on the Internet. In addition, the Internet provides an excellent opportunity to communicate with a person for as long as you wish before deciding to meet with him.
And another opportunity to make new acquaintances are parties, gatherings, trips, weddings, corporate parties, birthdays and other events for which there are many guests. Do not sit in front of the TV, if you know that today they have fun somewhere, and you are on the guest list. You have to be where the fun is, even if you have long known all the guests. Fate always surprises.
So let's summarize.
In order to gain family happiness you need:
First, do away with all the unresponsive, unsatisfactory relationships that exist for the most part in your head and create deceptive illusions. They are a barrier to a real and happy relationship.
Secondly, to realize the importance of the seduction factor and bring its appearance in full compliance.
Thirdly, psychologically be prepared for the fact that new relationships can arise at any time, anywhere. And if you want to increase their likelihood by diversifying their lives with cultural and educational activities.
Fourthly, do not reject the new men who have appeared in your life immediately from the threshold. It is necessary to give men a chance to prove themselves.
And in the fifth, most importantly - playing and seducing you must remain inaccessible to the desired man until you realize together that your relationship is forever.
Article Discussion here
Comments
