Divorcing a husband does not mean that feelings will go away with him.
Sometimes, love stubbornly does not want to die, despite all the arguments of the offended reason. Every woman is going through this terrible time in her own way.
Someone is trying to drown suffering in new feelings or relationships, someone is plunging into the depths of depression, someone is making plans to reunite.
If the heart hurts, and the soul is torn, it is difficult to think. It is easy to do something stupid or drive yourself into a corner. But this is exactly what you can not do. It is necessary to concentrate, drive away unnecessary emotions and shift the focus of inner vision from the former spouse to yourself. You are the center of a personal universe, and nothing else now matters. What is in this universe without the former constant - the former spouse? Analysis will help to understand the feelings.
Perhaps, with his departure, life became simpler, easier, more understandable? Perhaps it is not love that binds you, but habit or material dependence? Try to replace the image of a husband with any other, giving him husbandly functions: care, support, solving household and financial problems, help with children, common interests and affairs. If replacement is permissible and does not cause internal rejection, then there is no need to chase the past. Not love, but habit, convenience, comfort.
But if it is impossible to imagine anyone else next to you, if the analysis ends up with an understanding over and over again: “I love my ex-husband,” you will have to make a difficult decision.
I love my ex-husband and want to return!
If life without vyvshego nemile and love does not allow to breathe, you can think about returning the spouse. But before you begin to act, consider whether you are ready to change. Remember: the same person who left will return to you. To create a new relationship with him, will have to change itself. Otherwise, the replay of the sad finale is inevitable.
Having decided to fight for your beloved, make sure that you are guided by a pure feeling, and not a fear of loneliness, a fear of being at the center of gossip or a reluctance to impair your financial situation. Only love can be a worthy reason for family reunion. And even then only if it is mutual, that is, the feelings on its part have not been extinguished. Otherwise, all attempts to impose their love will cause only irritation on his part.
The plan is as follows.
• The first step is to work on the bugs.. While alone. We need to remember everything that caused irritation in his life together, the reasons for the quarrels, his claims to you. If a woman manages to change, to give her ex-husband what he lacked in marriage, to become what he asked her to be, then there is a chance. At the same time, it is necessary to get rid of all your claims, forgive offenses, throw away the memories of bad times before and during the divorce. Only positive can be the beginning of something new. The bottom line is not to return the old family, and create a new one.
• The second step is to create conditions for more or less regular communication. This is easy to do if there are common children. During the meetings - no recriminations, accusations and tears. Easy smile, free behavior, excellent appearance and sincere unobtrusive interest in the affairs of the ex-husband. People who have been married for several years are connected by many memories, some common affairs, so it is much easier to build new relationships correctly.
• You can ask your husband for a small favor related to children or life. A small repair in the kitchen or a joint trip to the rink will help to melt the ice.
• Intimate relationships that continue after a divorce may also affect the decision to try to start everything from scratch. Especially if the wife has not turned into an eternally suffering "cast" with a mask of suffering on her face and without a glance in her eyes. The main weapon of a woman at any age and any situation is beauty and inner strength. Therefore, a hairstyle, manicure-pedicure, beautiful lingerie, a slight smile and a mysterious look are required! The former must feel a certain anxiety: after all, all this beauty can go to anyone! ... The owner's instinct will play into the hands in this situation.
• Another thing is that surrender to her ex-husband at his will is not worth it. He can regard this lightness as a willingness to wait for him forever and will start using it without a twinge of conscience. Yes, you love your ex-husband, but not to such an extent as to turn your home into a short-term shelter and fulfill the role of a sister of mercy.
• Men are difficult to break the habitual way of life. Even if the husband went to another woman, sooner or later the veil of love will fall from his eyes. He will see not only the merits of his new passion, but also remember how well he was with you. Begin the inevitable comparison, which may not go to the benefit of his mistress. The wife knows all the preferences of men in food and life. Who knows if he wants to change the image of the brutal hero-lover to a soft plaid and a plate of rich borscht?
• It is strictly forbidden to put pressure on pity, responsibility, guilt. Except for negative emotions, irritation and even hatred, the former husband will not experience anything. Forcing him to return to the family under any pretext is impossible. The decision must belong entirely to him, otherwise the whole undertaking will end in failure.
• Criticism of the new husband's wife is unacceptable. You should not give this fact much importance. As they say, you have your own wedding, we have our own. The ex-husband should not notice any jealousy, no hatred, no offense - all that is capable of appeasing his pride.
• You can spur his interest by demonstrating your good mood and grooming. And so he let him decide what this ex-spouse glows with.
• You can not refuse to communicate with the inner circle of the former husband. Friends, parents, close relatives are people who can influence him and who should know that you still love your ex-husband. Ask for help them, of course, should not be. But to continue to communicate, as if nothing had happened, is a wise move.
I love my ex-husband and I want to forget!
A woman who loves her ex-husband, but realizes that it is impossible to return him, must make another decision. There is no need to suffer and blame yourself, the divorced one, or the evil rock. We must take a willful decision and forget the former.
First of all, get used to the idea that you cannot bring back the old. Life is not over, but on the contrary, it has begun. And she will definitely be happy. Changes need to be perceived as if fate presented a new chance. Instead of a dull existence next to a man who does not appreciate, does not love, offends with indifference, there may be a completely new person, unfamiliar for now. Life will miraculously become bright, happy, and what used to seem like love will turn into a not very pleasant, but valuable life experience.
What you need to do to throw the former spouse out of his life?
Keep away from the eyes of everything that reminds him. This is a kind of memory reset that cleans and soothes. Joint photos, his gifts, household trifles, which are associated with some memories - all this needs to be folded in a box and sent away. In addition to the ghosts of departed love, the act of purification will be subconsciously perceived as a symbolic gesture of readiness for new relationships, new life. Less and less will be the idea of "I love my ex-husband."
You can try the method of the opposite. Just writing down on the piece of paper all the faults of the ex-husband, ridiculous or unpleasant habits, foolish habits - in general, everything that helps to stop loving. Often, losing someone, we begin to idealize him. So concentrating on the negative will help to cope with this unnecessary idealization. Glorify in your heart and rejoice for yourself: now you have to endure this "treasure" to another woman. Success!
And now it's time take care of yourself and raise your self-esteem. If it is very difficult, start small: every evening, remember the things that you managed to do, praise yourself for every little thing. I cried today only once? Good girl! Baked pancakes for children? Well done! Indulge yourself by any means: pleasant procedures, which previously was a pity for money and time, meetings with friends, dancing and hobbies. The bottom line is to fill your life with pleasant emotions and positive energy, strengthen self-confidence. Then thoughts like "I love my ex-husband, how to live on?" they will disturb less and less and will eventually quietly die on the sidelines.
The only thing that should not be done is to start a novel urgently. The tormented soul is not yet ready for a new relationship. Acting in a hysterical state, you can bind yourself with unnecessary relationships, make life difficult for yourself and for another person.
I will take my revenge because I love my ex-husband
The desire to take revenge on her former husband and his new passion arises quite often. It gives rise to fear, powerlessness, hatred. "I love my ex-husband," thinks an abandoned woman, carrying a plan for revenge. It seems to a woman that the feeling that burns her soul is love.
Unfortunately, this is not the case. Love is joy and goodness, and revenge is hatred and pain. And the worst thing is that everyone will end up suffering, including the abandoned woman. If she really loves her ex-husband, she should give up all thoughts of revenge and just wish happiness to him and his companion. It is difficult and painful, but necessary.
Revenge will inevitably attract the attention of other people and set them up against the avenger. Friends, neighbors, parents, children, colleagues - all will be aware of the unseemly act, whether it is gossip, an attempt to disgrace the former spouse or a specific action. How does this affect communication with them? How will affect the psyche of the child? How will it affect your own psyche?
Revenge does not bring relief. That nervous ascent, which accompanies the period of preparation, is replaced by complete devastation and energy blockade. Hatred and anger will never give peace and joy.
If you want revenge, you can only do it in one way: forget about a person who once brought so much pain.
Cross it out of life and become confident, independent, happy.
I love my ex-husband, but let him go
Let go on all four sides - that’s what a woman who really loves her ex-husband should do. Looking for support in life is necessary not in another person, but in yourself. Confidence gives strength, and strength allows you to let go of someone who is really expensive. No need to cling to the ghost of love. Finding a new path, opening your own door to happiness - that’s what it takes to work.
Forgive, let go and wish happiness on the other. - The only way to confirm to yourself that you love your ex-husband. Nothing terrible happened, right? He is alive, and this is important. Other arguments for a loving heart are not needed.
Having decided to release the former spouse from your heart, you need to find support with positive energy from outside. Sport, pool, salon, resort - any way to get distracted and gain self-confidence. Just no short-term and confused novels! Otherwise, instead of confidence, frustration and new sufferings will come on the theme "I love my ex-husband."
But to afford a sense of freedom, joy and happiness is a must. It is necessary to use everything that can cause at least an echo of these feelings. Over time, they will get stronger and become real. It will not be easy, but life is worth it. In the end, divorce can be the very impetus that has never been enough to succeed.
