Each person in a difficult life situation, sometimes, felt sorry for himself. The devastating feeling arising from resentment to the whole world can hardly be called pleasant. But it’s one thing when we pity ourselves in extremely tragic events, and another thing is constant self-pity.
What if the world before the eyes is mired in sadness and despondency, and any criticism is perceived through the prism of resentment? So how can you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start life from a new leaf?
Self-pity: what is it and what is it like?
To begin an effective struggle with self-pity, you need to understand what it is. Pity is not a negative feeling; it is not a shame to experience it. But constantly sparing ourselves, excuses, we don’t even notice how we lose our determination, positive attitude, and thirst for life. Turning into whiners, we lower deeper and deeper into the world of pessimism and gloom.
So, you need to know the enemy in person, so we highlight the main types of self-pity:
• Motivating
• Pathological
A motivating kind of pity was found in every person. Such pity arises in difficult life situations. For example, you were fired from work clearly explaining the reasons with which you strongly disagree. You go home and along the way you are strangled by resentment, a feeling of an unfair decision, fear of an unexpected situation. There are a swarm of thoughts in my head, and they all come down to one thing - I do not deserve it. This thought provokes an analysis of all your positive qualities, and, as it is strange, there are a great many of them. So a person comes to the idea that he is good, hardworking and kind, and much more, but life is unfair to him, and people too.
However, a motivating pity, although it lowers us to the bottom of gloom and sadness for a few days, later allows us to gather all our forces with a fist and push ourselves from this bottom. After a few days, as mentioned above, we begin to review the situation, change its assessment, gain confidence in ourselves and solve a pressing problem.
The most severe is pathological self-pity. Such a pity develops against the backdrop of a long series of troubles due to the lack of the ability to "push off from the bottom."
Pathological self-pity plunges a person into a depressed state, as a result of which he ceases to believe in himself, loses adequate self-esteem and love for his work (hobby, work). People who constantly pity themselves poorly perform the work entrusted to them, do not find contact with others and, as a result, lose their former surroundings.
It is important to note that the skillful manipulators that exist in almost any group of people, whether they be a family or a circle of friends, really like to feel sorry for themselves and deserve mention in this article. So, we can recall an elderly grandmother or mother who clutches her heart every time she is not satisfied with the course of events, or perhaps a colleague who is ready to talk about non-existent sores all day long just to not stay out of class.
Why do people feel sorry for themselves: reasons
So why do people feel sorry for themselves? Maybe if we consider the reasons, you can warn ourselves or loved ones from this feeling. There are many reasons why we feel sorry for ourselves:
• Propensity to envy
Envy is the engine of self-flagellation. Looking at the successes of others, comparing ourselves with peers, colleagues, relatives, friends at school or college, we understand that we have not achieved certain heights. Thus, it’s easier to think that the damn life is unfair to us than to admit that the past years and opportunities have been missed.
• Tendency to laziness
Of course, it is much more convenient to blame mother, father, distant relatives, religion, the economy, the state, and life itself for its failures. But the reality is this: you are not succeeding because you are not making the necessary effort. In simple words - be lazy. Often, self-pity is inherent in people who are used to blaming everyone for everything.
• A way to get attention
If a person does not know how to attract the attention of the opposite sex, or even a friend, then often he chooses not the best topic for conversation - personal problems, nagging. It is a mistake to believe that the interlocutor is interested in listening to this for a long time. So people who need attention, but have no idea how to get it, resort to nagging.
How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start life from a new sheet
To stop feeling sorry for yourself, you need to make a lot of effort. At a minimum, you will need a strong desire and willpower.
• Recognize a problem
Many have heard that awareness of your problem is the first step to success. And indeed it is. The fight against self-pity will not be effective if, unconsciously, you, in general, will not consider yourself a whiner. It is important not only to agree with the arguments of a psychologist, friend or relative that you really tend to feel sorry for yourself, but to understand the causes, consequences, losses, and so on. Real awareness of the problem is 50% of its solution.
• Identify self-pity situations
It is very important to understand in which specific situations you are beginning to feel sorry for yourself. So, remembering the results of the analysis is much easier during the tipping point to realize your condition and find a way out of it.
• Identify Losses and Rewards
Answer the questions: “What will I lose if I stop feeling sorry for myself”, “What will I gain?”, “Will my life improve or worsen?”
• Plan and image
It is much easier to initiate changes when there is a structured sequence of actions and a perfect visual image. Make a plan and draw yourself - happy and optimistic in difficult times of life.
• External changes
Of course, in order to feel the “spirit of a new life” it is recommended to start with external changes, despite the fact that the goal is internal changes. Transform your hairstyle, attend makeup courses, buy a beautiful casual dress and life will sparkle with new colors.
• Internal changes
Internal change is a difficult matter. You can resort to the help of a psychologist or figure it out yourself. Try to move away from your usual point of view, look at each situation from a different angle, try yourself in new hobbies, try on different manners and tactics of behavior.
To cope with self-pity is difficult, but quite possible. The main thing is to have a desire and not give up.
