We women are doomed to contact with men. These aliens from the world of ambition, obscure passions and strong words are sometimes difficult to understand. What to do with them at the first meeting? How to handle everyday? How to "hook" so that the chosen one of your heart does not get scared and doesn’t run away, and, choosing us among hundreds of women, returns to us again and again, and, in the end, could not imagine life without us?
Let us tell you a secret: men are not at all aliens from other planets, and we have much more similarities with them than differences. This means that they, like us, prefer to communicate, do not like isolation and loneliness, and quietly hate "family wars." And also, they want to love.
And in order to understand them even better, we suggest to plunge into the world of man’s interests and imagine what he likes, what he wants and what he needs. Do not rush to discard the interests and habits of men, just because you are a woman. To be well versed in men who meet on the path of life, you need to be confident enough.
And the fact that men love self-confident women is far from a secret.
Who are self-confident women?
Take a look around - you will see a lot of women who are not so beautiful, not so young and smart, but enjoy success with those men whom you only dream of. Such women know a lot about men, but they also know something about themselves. Namely, what to take in a relationship is no less important than giving. It doesn’t matter what mental development factor you have, whether you manage an office or know how to cook several dishes in just one hour.
Self-esteem is what helps a woman survive the storm in order to cultivate her field when calm times come. And she receives a worthy reward because she successfully controls her behavior. Indeed, men like women who like themselves. And such women will never make close contact with a man without sufficiently recognizing him. And they will not trust their soul to the first comer. Men need to be evaluated, just like they are evaluating us, and entering into a relationship, ask yourself the question - "What am I bearing on the altar of relationships and what am I counting on in return"?
Self-esteem should always be with you, starting from the very first minutes of communication, at the very first meeting with a man.
Something about phone calls - the handset has no face
We know how important it is to be able to listen to what a man says. But just not at the beginning of dating! That is why you should not bet on the first telephone conversation. It’s not so important what he says when he met, the main thing is how he considers you, how expressive his view is, what information he tries to convey with gestures. Of course, it can be very pleasant - chatting on the phone with a broken clock, feeling “soul mate”, and fantasizing about future meetings.
But the handset is a bad ally, it can help you find “intimacy without intimacy”, so that when you meet you will be ashamed and unbearably bored when you find that your interlocutor is very far from the image that you composed yourself. No, we do not agitate you to completely abandon the phone, but remember - "telephone chemistry" does not work in real communication, because the eyes see the truth, while the ear only hears the lie.
Confident people do not try to captivate the interlocutor by telephone, and even more so do not rush to get involved in a person whom they have never seen. And if someone is trying to get into your soul and sow guilt that you are "not opening deeper", do not go about it. Otherwise, you can later regret the lost minutes, just like watching an uninteresting movie with a beautifully designed poster. And yes, never give a man a phone number if he does not give his own!
No one reads a novel from a hundredth page, a relationship does not start from the middle
It is hard to imagine a spaceship that first lands and then flies. And the staircase has successive steps, along which you need to gradually climb to the next floor. Why should a relationship be different?
Acquaintance invigorates and scares at the same time, confuses thoughts and kindles feelings. But still, even if your age is "running out" and you sleep and see yourself surrounded by a pair of babies, you need to clearly understand - any relationship is formed in stages. And they require constant efforts aimed at development.
This means that in the process of communication, not only give your partner an opportunity to get to know you better, but do not do cavalry raids yourself. Of course, we all want ease in relationships, but without labor they are simply impossible, and can be destroyed by a simple blow of the breeze, if they do not have a solid foundation. The same applies to the moments when we are too critical of our new chosen one. His eyes are hard, his eyebrows are shifted, we are closely watching his behavior. An awkward gesture, a misinterpreted word, and as a result of a promising meeting - a story that has no continuation.
Do not rush to cut the shoulder! Do not make a full opinion and do not put a label on the person after the first date. Think more about the opportunities that open up, and not about the end result, enlist male friendships and do not forget about seduction. And who knows, maybe, maybe ...
Do not ask unnecessary questions at the first meeting
The meticulous woman, "crawling into all holes", can scare a man. If you ask a lot of questions to your counterpart, sometimes not even fully listening to the answer, the interlocutor feels like being interrogated. At the first meeting, it is better to focus on the feelings of "here and now," and not try to dig deep into the soul. The list of topics for conversation can be quite diverse - starting from the city in which you are located, your favorite pastime, stories about a hobby, a book read recently.
But the main thing is that there is no feverish search for topics, and even more so for reproaches and demands. And even more so, you should not lay out all your secrets on the first date and demand the same from the interlocutor. Enjoy the meeting, try to just have a good time. Men do not like women who turn a date into a kind of chopped chicken lying in a pan.
If you're ready for anything today, put an end to tomorrow
Some women are very willing to respond to the courtship of a man. Sometimes they don’t even realize whether their chosen one is worthy of attention. Inside such a woman, a hormone counter seems to be turning on, counting down the time for quick surrender. But the man does not appreciate what he gets in the easy way, such a victory will cool him and neutralize his interest.
The manifestation of restraint is very necessary, first of all, for us women, so that the feeling of a man can grow, fueled by interest, excitement and pleasant emotions in communication. A man should have time to think about what place to give to a particular woman in his life.
That is why you should not rush, trying to get the little man in his arms. And do not get it day and night with your calls - at least it's not even your psychiatrist! So far, he is an oncoming ship that has fallen on your horizon. Do not try to swim to it, leave time to cover the distance so that the ships can follow their course. Explore the innermost depths until you confirm that you are a couple based on mutual feelings, and do not try to quickly attack - this will not be interpreted in your favor.
Don't be afraid to say no when it comes to sex
Attraction to the opposite sex is inherent in us by nature, but if it comes to sexual intimacy, especially when emotions are affected, the decision to enter into this intimacy should be conscious. At an early stage, sex can change your relationship, and not for the better. This does not mean that sex will become a taboo for you for moral reasons. Also today we know a lot of ways to make sex safe, but if you can’t even freely talk about it with a man, at least for now, nothing can happen.
If you are thinking about a barely familiar man, when you yourself have not yet decided how seriously you take him, and how deeply ready to immerse yourself in a relationship, we suggest that you only follow common sense. And in order for a man to appreciate your “no” at its true worth, you need to be able to express it in such a way that it radically differs from “Never!”. For example, "Not yet time," or "I'm not ready yet." A man who likes you will only be grateful to you for your poise.
By the way, many men do not accept sexual pressure, and to a much greater extent than women think about it. Excessive desire for sex turns away the "good" guys and attracts the "bad".
And most importantly, the denial of sexual intimacy needs no explanation.
Not every couple makes a good duet
Suppose you run into a sexy athlete, a man who is closed and afraid of emotional closeness, or a player in self-assertion. Trying to make contact with someone who does not need it is like talking to a stone idol. At best, it is ineffably boring, at worst it can also be dangerous. Do not look at the clock to say "Goodbye."
If a guy "lost your phone" and made no attempt to "find" him, if he is so busy that he can only give you 1 day a month, if the man whom you wanted to give your life for a long time turned out to be rude and petty - rejoice! You have a chance to get rid of it now, so as not to hang out in the same boat for many years. Confident women see the gap as its loss, as a result of which it will not get your tenderness, beauty, uniqueness. And the new man who will meet on your way will certainly appreciate the fact that you are not ready to sacrifice yourself to anyone.
(based on the bestselling book by Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol)
